Monday, January 15, 2018

Konmari and a Vision for the Space

My basement is a disaster.  No matter how I try to organize it, I have trouble.  My original goal, 7 years ago, was that I can clean it up in under 20 minutes.  I have been able to keep that up.  When I was a child, cleaning up our play area was an overwhelming task that I could never manage.  Having a limited amount of items in the space and having just a few categories of types of toys, each one with a designated area, makes cleanup manageable for me.  The boys don't put things into their designates spaces (balls, weapons, dressup, arts and crafts, legos, cars, etc) but they can clear the floor when they want to.  My spare fridge is down there and I walk through the space every few days if not a few times a day.  In one of the organization books I read, I was told to finish three sentences:

I want peace via...
It will feel nice in the home when...
I'm organized enough when...

In filling out these sentences, I discovered that I feel strongly about walking through my space without having to navigate around or over things.  It unconsciously upsets me to have to do that.  So in addition to trying to set things up so that they aren't left in the floor or in my way, I started picking things up that are in my path so I'm not spending the say walking around them or over them, and becoming more and more cranky because of something I'm not even consciously aware of.

With #konmari, the first thing you do is visualize how you want your home to be.  How it looks, how it feels, what kind of atmosphere you want to create.  (I actually never really did this room by room; I was more of a remove-the-negative "don't be a hoarder" that I didn't think beyond that, which may be why I'm stumbling a bit in the upkeep.)  This visualization helps because even if every item in the space brings joy, if I still have too many items, the overall space won't bring me joy.  And it's a useful way to help me figure out how to set up the space.

Back to the basement.  I'm finding opposing goals and that's causing--well, I can't blame the chaos in the basement on conflicting goals, can I?


The A&C bin always hangs out. They amass objects. I have no idea how to organize their project ingredients
I like being able to clean up.  I was trying to figure out a way to make the play area manageable, and I asked E what his vision for the space was.  He said: I'd really love a room where you would never, ever make us clean up.

They asked for stuffing to make things. Now they want more stuffing so they can fill the room with stuffing and hide things in it.
I want to be the kind of fun mom who lets this kind of thing happen.  I really do.  But in my experience, trying to be the fun mom who lets this kind of thing happen ends up with me accidentally turning into a monster mom who is actually not okay with space looking like this.  And that's no fun for anyone.

Do I work on this and try to become more intentional about letting the kids have the space they want?  Do I accept my emotional needs and be a role model for boundaries and realistic communication?

There are no right or wrong answers here.  (Except I always try to stick to my Hippocratic oath of parenting: First Do No Harm.)

Do they play better when they have empty space?  They seem to have fun down there.  When we had company, the boys did cheerfully spend a couple of hours cleaning up.

2 comments:

  1. My boys are totally with E: don't go down into the basement, it's our play area, so you do not have to freak out. Don't make us clean up our room, organize closet, hang up clothes... and it bugs me when I discover the state of these spaces, and it bugs me when they can't find things like socks and swim goggles and it bugs me when they bring things upstairs to play because they ran out of space in their rooms or in the basement.
    The house I visualise is not the house they visualise.
    (my son lost his goggles that he needs for swimming couple times a week, bought a new pair with his own money and lost the new pair within a week. They could even be somewhere in the house, but I don't know, he won't look, he doesn't want to spend more money, and he's grouchy about chlorine in his eyes).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. love & logic would have us be kindly sad that he lost his goggles and is grouchy about chlorine in his eyes. i've tried that, even though the scenarios written in the book always strike me as a bit sanctimonious. but i guess it's all about tone; I'D say those words sanctimoniously :-D
      but i do like the idea in theory of L&L that it's not my reponsibility to fix his pain from the natural consequences of his behavior. (i get stressed because i often feel like i'm 'supposed to' fix it.) my job is just to be sympathetic about his pain, the the fact that he's suffering fro m the natural consequences of his behavior is great, because that's life.

      Delete